faced a fear . . .

i finally spoke to my parents today. if you have been following my blog - you will know this is the deadline i gave myself to tell them about my decision to thru hike the at.

all i can say is that they are as amazing as anyone could expect. i think they were actually shocked that i made such a big deal about it. they were more afraid that i was sick or something.

they were just so supportive. i could not ask for better parents - i really chose fittingly this time around (if this statement doesn't make sense to you, then we have differing root assumptions. i believe in reincarnation . . .).

this just goes to prove that sometime our fears are all made up in our own ego-minds. i was anticipating a negative reaction and they could not have been more supportive. i am glad i allowed my fears to move thru me so that i could reach out to them and be more of my authentic self . . .

link list . . .

ok - so i have added a link list to my blog. it is located at the bottom section of my left navigation bar. i have some specific notes about certain links so hopefully you will see this post first . . .

the good badger - this site is by zach davis - he wrote the book appalachian trials - great book about lots of topics but mainly about the psychological experience of thru hiking the appalachian trail. the last half of the book is not as fluid as the first half, but i think that is due the west nile virus he contracted from a mosquito bite while on the trail. all-in-all a very good read and definitely worth the money. note - it is currently, at the time of this post, only available in print and kindle formats. if you have an iphone, just download the free kindle app thru the app store on your iphone. then open safari and purchase the book thru the amazon website. once the purchase is complete, the book will magically appear in your kindle app. just make sure you select the correct device for the download.

concerning the bear bag hanging pct technique video on youtube: yes, the user nocmanus has a thick southern accent. however, this is the best youtube video, as of the date of this post, for a visual of the pct (pacific coast trail) bear bag hanging method. a note - during the first part concerning a "normal" hang where you have "optimal" conditions, replace the rock bag with your backpack before you attach the retainer stick. you will understand what i mean after you watch the video. also, when you attach the stick, reach as high as you can so as to ensure you you are hanging your backpack high enough to be out of reach of a bear (they are smarter than you think!). in the latter part of the video concerning a "less than optimal" bear bag hang, wrapping your rope around the opposing tree several times will more likely ensure that the bear will not somehow detach your rope.

hope the links satisfy your need for info and quench your fears . . . cheers.

research . . .

i have done lots of research on various websites. i will soon post a list of everything at-related that i found helpful and then i will add a blog roll with links to all these sites on my blog.

ps - have got to talk to my parents about my decision - my deadline is feb 12th, which will give them about a month to get used to my news.

support comes when we just listen . . .

i am so grateful. you cannot imagine the support i have received from my best friend and all those whom i have told about my upcoming adventure. just a quick post to acknowledge that when you choose to listen to the soul and trust, all just falls into place. only when we resist do challenges clutter our path . . .

confronting a fear . . .

so in getting closer to the date i am feeling more and more pressure to confront that which is probably my biggest fear - telling my parents of my decision. i don't know why i am so anxious about telling them - they have been so overwhelmingly supportive my whole life and especially since my humanitarian mission this past year. i guess i just don't want to disappoint them by somehow not being the son they want or expect.

like i posted before, i really have no reason to fear this - they have always told me that my happiness is the most important thing. i just have to suck it up and talk to them!

on a related note, i previously posted that one of the clues i pay attention to that alerts me as to whether or not i am on the correct path is if things are flowing smoothly with little resistance - and they so are. gear has been easy to obtain at discounted rates and it just so works out that my best friend is going to atlanta twice in march. from atlanta i can then make a reservation with the hiker hostel (link will be posted soon) to pick me up north of atlanta, provide a night's stay, breakfast in the morning, and then transport to springer mountain on the next day.

it's amazing how when you follow your heart and soul all seems to just flow and work out.

now i have to decide if i want to leave march 9th or march 29th. in other words, still winter or beginning of spring!

new year, new post . . .

so it's a new year. it really hit me today how quickly march is going to come! there are so many things i need to take care of. lots of gear to purchase.

i do have some things already in my possession. as i posted earlier i once tried a 30mi weekend hike and discovered lots of helpful things in my various failures. i had used the platypus gravity works filter, which proved to be the best thing ever invented. i tried to use a 50 liter pack, however, and this proved to be not so good. it pinched and killed my upper back and shoulder blades quite a bit. as already posted, i also was really reckless with my knees and therefore will most definitely be using trekking poles this time. i have also been toying with the idea of wearing knee braces at least for the first two weeks.

i have all the clothes i will need, but i am seriously considering using a hammock for camping this time around. we shall see what i decide.

these are the logistics that i sometimes forget to think about, so i have been doing lots of research on gear, food suggestions, things suggested to both take and leave behind. as i go along i will start to post links to all those websites that i found to be the most helpful. cheers.

recognizing the ego and choosing to trust . . .

i am at a place in my life where i have observed and nurtured my ego enough that i can at times (not yet all the time) objectively view my ego as if from the outside of my self. in doing this during the decision process to embark on my hike, it is very interesting to observe the degree and types of fear the surface during this process. the first fear is of course about money - will i have enough, what will i do when i finish the trail, what if the economy is worse, blah, blah, blah.

then there are the fears about my body being capable of doing what i am going to ask of it. i am in relatively good shape - 5'10", 170lbs and i exercise relatively regularly. the fear comes from a past experience of attempting a 30mi weekend hike where by the end my knees were totally shot because of patellar tendenitis. this happens primarily to jumpers and can be attributed to hikers who do not hike properly and really pound on their knees during the downhill portions of a hike. bearing the weight thru your muscles and trekking poles can eliminate this.

then there is the fear of bears, bugs, and snakes. all of the creepy, crawly, and scary things that go bump in the night. a healthy level of caution is warranted, but not to where i get paralyzed. lol. not going to happen.

the biggest fear i have is actually in telling my parents about my decision. i am an only child and have a healthy and close relationship with my rents. i just don't want to disappoint them. when i can step outside of my ego i always remember that they have unwaveringly stated that only my happiness matters throughout my entire life, so . . . sorry ego, but not valid . . .

so what do i do when i get stuck in my ego dramas. well, sometimes i just forget. my mind races and and stay up most of the night going thru my little ego fantasies - i am sure you have all been there. when i am able to recognize my ego for what it is the only choice i have is to trust. i was guided to do this hike by something bigger than my self, so i trust that it is the best path for me. there are also signs along the way. like if i am traveling down the path of least resistance, it must be the correct one. and everything so far has been easy about this hike. having equipment, buying equipment, getting transportation to springer mountain, etc. all just feel into place. ;)

goal of this blog . . .

i have been thinking a lot about what will be the purpose and content of this blog. i have decided that i want it to be a chronicle of my experience in totality. so not just about the physical experiences, but also the mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of my being during this hike. i am a very spiritual person, so don't be surprised if my posts tend in this direction. the bottom line is that i want the sharing of my experience to be healing, motivational, and insightful.

the decision . . .

i have decided to continue my commitment to knowing myself by thru hiking all 2, 184 miles of the appalachian trail in 2012. i have been traveling, meditating, chanting, praying, and doing humanitarian work since may of last year. in my attempt to reintegrate into mainstream culture since returning, i have found the current economy to be as dreadful as imagined. so, needless to say, finding a job has been challenging.

so i am choosing to do what i committed to back in 2008 - i am surrendering my choice over to All That Is and listening to my heart. i am choosing to embark on this journey so that i may know myself. i will expose all my strengths and weaknesses and know without doubt of what i am truly made . . .